


𝚠𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚖𝚊𝚕𝚜

by thebeasknees



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: A lot - Freeform, Ace;Aro orignal character, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everything will be good in the end, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Female/Male best friends, Fluff, Gas Lighting, Her name is Heather, I hope, I'm Sorry, Just treat this like a teen indie movie, M/M, Making Up, Mental Abuse, Miguel is a Dick The Entire time, No Suicide Attempts, No sex stfu, Platonic friendships, Romance, Self Harm, Teen Romance, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, You'll love her, because I'm a sap, because y e s, eventually, getting better, more gay shit, smut? I can't write it, teen-angst, that gay shit, tree bros eventually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:42:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25623826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebeasknees/pseuds/thebeasknees
Summary: Everyone is scared, but at least their scared together.Or:Growing up is hard, and scary, and Very Anxiety Inducing.But it's happening. And, everyone might as well grow together, right?
Relationships: Connor Murphy and Original Female Character, Connor Murphy/Evan Hansen, Heidi Hansen and Evan Hansen, Jared Kleinman and Evan Hansen - Relationship, Larry Murphy/Cynthia Murphy, Zoe Murphy/Alana Beck
Comments: 40
Kudos: 27





	1. The Drink You Spilled All Over Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! It's plantmom here. Uhm.
> 
> You know the song 'Ribs' by Lorde? This is what it's based off of, the scenes are literally purely based on the lyrics.
> 
> Anyway. Here. Please tell me what you think! It keeps me going.:)

All Connor had wanted was to get away from the house. Possibly stay in the restroom the whole time- maybe hook up with somebody.

Anything, really, to get his mind off what was going on at home.

Cynthia was slowly breaking down more and more, Larry kept on finding reasons to take away his door or his rights to driving, or his phone, or even his notebook. Basically all the things that kept him living.

Zoe and him... Zoe and him are nothing at all. They aren't even siblings anymore, really. 

Heather, his online friend, said she couldn't get on for the rest of the day because her shitty parents were dropping her off to her grandmas house and she couldn't be on her phone during the ride.

Miguel broke them off. Told him he didn't want anything but a 'friends with benefits' type of relationship.

So.

Here he was.

In a bath tub, with what he thinks is a cup of water in his hand, with his legs swung over it. He really doesn't remember how exactly he got here- he'd barely drunk anything but maybe 2 shots.

He hadn't had a hit off anything.

But Connor's brain always forgot things, so. He wasn't necessarily surprised, to be honest.

But he was surprised when someone burst into the bathroom and drops their plastic cup, filled to the brim with juice, right on top him. 

The person probably didn't see him, but that doesn't stop Connor from shouting 'What the fuck, dude?!' And the boy, now that Connor can see his face, blinked a few times while he looks at him.

Evan. Evan Hansen.

He can tell from the khakis and the brown hoodie he's wearing. Evan Hansen, the soft spoken pretty boy he's sorta-kinda- friends with. They started eating lunch together when Kleinman decided he didn't want to eat with Evan anymore.

Fucking dick.

Evan. He was crying- shit he was crying. Was he already crying when he came in? Connor heard a few sobs and scrambled out the tub.

"Shit. Shit, are you good?"

Evan shakes his head rapidly, his eyes un-focusing and refocusing randomly. Connor can see his pupils getting smaller.

"Okay. Okay. Breathe with me, Hansen, okay? Look at me. " Evan's head snaps up at the sound of any type of order. His eyes are filled to the brim with tears and his eyelashes are long and soaked.

Connor genuinely thinks it's the most heart breaking thing he's ever seen. It's so hard looking at someone that has a face like Evan's cry.

"Can I touch your arm?"

Evan's shaky good-arm is plopped into his lap. Connor lightly traces his finger in little circles around his wrist, and Evan seems to get the gig, because he takes a deep breath when Connor makes a circle and lets it out on the next one.

They just sit there, like that. For a while.

Connor realizes he's still got juice on him when Evan just. Bursts out laughing.

Witch he should be creeped out about, but. Evan has such a full, heart warming smile. Connor knocks his head to the side.

"I'm sorry, I just. What the fuck was I expecting, c-coming here? M-My friend d-ditched me and I.. I don't know w-what I was-" He laughs a little more. 

Connor smiles, just a little, even though this is obviously sad laughing. A coping mechanism. 

"But. I-I'm sorry for bothering you. Really, I am. You looked r-really happy in t-that tub, I think."

Connor laughs this time, because wow. When Evan Hansen isn't full of anxiety and on the edge he's actually really funny.

"No. It's fine, Hansen. I'm about to leave, anyway. Need a ride?"

Evan looks him up and down.

"Are you s-sober?"

"Yeah. I'm not on anything, and I took 2 shots witch, at this point, does nothing to me. Again, need a ride?"

"Are y-y gonna min-"

Connor rolls his eyes. Jesus this kid is nervous. "I'm not saying that, am I? Do. You. Need. A. Ride?"

Evan pauses, and then gets up, wiping his tears and nodding. "Yeah. Le-let' s go."

\--------

In the car, they don't say anything.

Connor likes it like that, actually. Evan and Connor don't exactly need to talk to be comfortable around each other. It's nice- comforting, not feeling entitled to speak up.

He'd had to deal with people like that far too often.

But he liked Evan Hansen, partly. Even though they didn't speak to each other much.

'Talking is overrated', Connot decided, nodding a little.

As he drops Evan Hansen off, and he briskly ask for Evan's number so they can 'Get To Know Each Other Better',

He supposes talking is kind of gonna be like.

A big thing, is this possible friendship they got going on.

But he's okay with that.  
And he's okay with Evan.

He's okay with short, chubby nervous kinda-very-adorable Evan Hansen.

Connor thinks he could get used to having an okay opinion about something.  
As Evan walks into the house, and Connor smiles a little at his nervous little hand wave,

You could say that was the moment when everything hit the fan.


	2. "Lovers Spit" Left On Repeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heather tries to get adjusted to school, and a surprise is waiting for her.
> 
> Evan Hansen finally has a reason to go to lunch in the first place, and Connor does too.
> 
> Or: Home, trees, and poems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Dudes! 
> 
> I'm back at it with a chapter. I know it's strange for me to put notes at the begining, but I've noticed recently that is subconsciously don't add a lot of POC in my books or stories, and I though that it was a bit strange of me, in reality, since I myself am I a black person. 
> 
> Basically, I'm putting my struggles or other things other POC deal with on a daily basis and putting it into her character. I hope you like her!:)

Heather wasn't looking forward to the day.

One: She really didn't want to move in the first place.

She should be happy about it, really- her old neighborhood was scrappy and old and marked 'dangerous'. The school she went to wasn't any better.

But she had grown to connect the sound of gun shots through her neighborhood as safety, the kids through the halls as family, the banging on tables and constant laughter as normal. The small classrooms in the wake of the morning and the soft chatter that came with it. The light that shined through the windows and the smokey clouds in the sky.

This was not normal to her. Not at all.

First off, the space was too big. She was suffocating in the weight of it, really. 

Second off, as she looked around, there was _no one_ who looked like her.

Third, in the morning, everyone was horribly loud. Like they hadn't had an agreement since 5th grade that, well, _since we're all gonna be stuck with each other for the next few years, we might as well find peace in it._

Fourth, again, she knew nobody. The kids at her old school, she'd known for like, years and years. Since first grade. She didn't feel comfortable with any of the people there.

5th?

She just wanted to go home. She wanted to go back to her home, to the smell of food and candles and to her broken window and to gun shots, and to cloudy skies and the soft chatter of her school, because anything, _anything_ at all would be better than this.

She got up and walked out the class, caving in on herself. She had never felt so small and out of place before, as people tried to introduce themselves to her. She didn't want to be pitied.

As she walked down the halls, her whole world stopped when she bothered to lift her head.

Connor.

He was next to a short boy, and he looked like he was speaking to him. His hair was in a bun.

He briskly moved his eyes away from the boy to look towards her direction. He didn't notice her the first time.

But the second time, he did.

"Con.. Connor?" She scrambled through the crowd at full speed, witch was quite fast, actually. For once in her life, she was glad she had long legs.

His eyes widened and he grabbed the boys hand, racing towards her as well. The short boy looks deafly confused, but followed.

Connor flung himself into her head first and she nearly collapsed. Everyone stared at them.

"How are you-"

"You didn't tell me you were _rich,_ Connor, you fucking _whore_ -"

They just share things like that , for a while. They scramble to hold onto each other like the other is gonna be gone soon, and laugh and smile and push at each other. She notices that everyone is going to lunch.

"Wow. Okay. Wow. Shit. You aren't? A 40 year old man? Nice?"

Connor snickers, going "We literally facetime, you dumbass," And that's the moment that she takes a look at the boy next to him. He was cute, actually. Not her type (because she doesn't have one), but cute. He had chubby cheeks and sandy brown hair that looked all messy on his head.

Heather looked him up and down.

"You guys boyfriend's?"

Connor chokes on his spit, and goes 'nononononoohmyfuckinggodheathernowe'rejustfriends', and she giggles.

She'd never heard him so nervous before.

"Okay," She looks at the Cute Boy, and smiles. "What's your name?" He looks like he's panicking, and he stutters out a "I-I-I-I-I-I'm E-Evan."

She doesn't mind stuttering. She thinks people that point it out are dicks.

" Nice to meet you, Evan. I'm Heather Green." She sticks out her hand and smiles while he reaches out his shaky good hand. 

A little sloppy smile crosses his face.

"Y-Yeah. Nice t-to meet you."

\------------

Evan liked Heather.

She was really nice, first off. She didn't point out his stuttering and waited calmly when he had trouble answering something. She also had a really nice city accent, and a very neutral, deep voice that was nice to listen to.

She was pretty, also. Not that that matters, but she had pretty brown braids that were really neat. They went half-way down her arms, and she had deep eyes and dark skin.

She also had a lot of good conversation starters, and she kept the conversation going when she saw he didn't really want answer. She was a good ice breaker, really.

Him and Connor needed that.

Often, they just sat in silence awkwardly when nobody wanted to start the conversation.

She was currently letting him go on and on about trees, and not even once did she say that it was weird. She said it was cool, actually. It was an ' _unusual interest_ ,' and that she liked things like that.

"How um... H-How long have you guys known each other?"

"2 years or so. We met on this random Amino rant thing, it was cool."

2 years? He couldn't catch up with that. Connor and him sat together, sure, but he barely knew anything about him. He'd learned more while Heather was lightly prompting conversation between all of them.

" But I already like you. And Connor does too, so. "

Apparently, she was good at observing, too.

God, what _wasn't_ she good at?

"Connor. You like writing, right?"

Connor looked at her, and his eyebrows furrowed. She snickered, and Evan swore he heard Connor mutter a ' _you bitch_ ,' before turning to Evan again.

"Uh. Yeah. I write short stories sometimes or whatever, so. It's okay. I run a account online, kind of."

Evan smiles a little, at the though of Connor angrily typing at a laptop or computer. Actually, Writer Connor seemed...

Seemed very Connor like, actually.

"I think i-it's nice, Connor. C-Can you s-show m-me one day?" Evan says, twisting his shirt into tornadoes. Connor nods and kinda looks away, and it almost looks like he's actually blushing.

Like he's shy.

 _'It's adorable_ ,' Evan's brain notes, and wow, Evan really needs to stop with the gay thoughts.

The bell rings, and Heather basically yeets _(hehe)_ herself off the bench.

"Shit, um, We gotta get to class. Bye, whores." Heather says. Evan flinches, even though he knows it's not meant to be mean. Heather backs up a few steps. 

"Not you, Evan. This whore specifically." Heather says, and points at Connor. He sticks the middle finger up at her.

And.

It's interesting, being around Heather and Connor.

It's nice.

He thinks that he wouldn't mind this, every day.

He would never mind.


	3. My Mom and Dad Let Me Stay Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor, Evan, and Heather go out for a ride.
> 
> Or: Parks, Ex boyfriends, and milkshakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> POSSIBLE TW: Gaslighting, but through text.

Evan was excited.

And it was a strange feeling, 'excited' to feel, for Evan. The closest Evan got to exhilaration was his anxiety, the constant questioning and worrying and crying because he has no idea what's next.

But he actually can't wait.

Being so excited he can't wait for something is an amazing feeling.

His heart is racing as he climbs down from his window, and there's a slight pang in his chest as he realizes that he lied to his Mom. Didn't even tell her where he was going. ' _Technically, you told her you were leaving tonight, so you weren't lying. You just didn't tell her when.'_ His brain says.

Evan's brain isn't really lying, so. Thanks brain.

His feet hit the ground and he rushes over to the car, the big black truck that looks kind of beat in.

He opens the door.

"Hey, Ev, get your ass in the back. We called dips on the front." Connor says, and he kind of grabs Evans waist and helps him get into the back of the car.

Evan's not used to banter and cursing that's not making fun of him.

He's also not used to such casual touch.

But it's nice.

It's little cold in the back seat, even with a big hoodie on- and Connor probably notices and he throws him back a blanket, looking back to him. "Use it. Don't want you to catch anything." He mumbles, and so Evan does, even though he feels as though he shouldn't.

The car starts moving, and normally, Evan would be nervous about being drove around by people he hasn't known for several years. Too much what-ifs and maybe's, and there's no trust.

Heather drives good, though, careful. It's nice. 

Jared drives kind of reckless. This is better.

So much better.

In a while, their in some sort of drive through, and Evan realizes their getting ice cream.

At midnight.

And that he has absolutely no money.

"Alright, I'll pay. What does everyone want?" Connor asks, and looks back to Evan like he knows he's about to protest and say he doesn't need anything. His voice is soft and caring. "I got you, Evan. Just tell me what you want."

"....Vanilla milkshake."

Connor says something along the lines of _'Three Vanilla milkshakes, please!'_ And then they've gotten out of the drive through. Evan grabs his milkshake from Connor's hands as they drive towards what he assumes is the park.

"Does you Mom know you're here?" Heather asks, making a turn onto a slightly rickety road. Evan shakes his head.

"No, but kinda. I just told here I was hanging at Jared's house." He says, taking another sip of his shake. Jared would cover for him anyway. He really has no choice. "I didn't feel like explaining who I was with. She interrogates me, sometimes." Evan explains, rolling down his window and feeling the cold air brush against his face.

"Kay. Get out, whores, we're here."

Evan looks out the window. It's a dimly lit, cozy looking small park. He climbs out the door and sits down on the grass, looking up to Heather and Connor as they do the same.

"What now?" Connor asks, throwing everyone a blanket. Evan gets the coziest one.

"We just.. Wait, we do 20 questions. Except I'm asking all the questions and answering them, too. " Heather says, laying down on the cold grass and snuggling in closer to her blanket. "Ready?"

Evan and Connor make a brief sound of agreement.

"Alright. What's everyone's favourite thing to do? Like.. A hobby, or something." She says, picking at her nails.

"Uh. Fucking with my parents, drawing sometimes, and explaining to people how gender is a social construct."

Evan scoffs, because _of course_ Connor thinks that. "U-Um… can you further explain that?" Evan says turning over to look at Connor. Heather giggles and gives him a look. A ' _buckle in, bitch_ ' look.

Evan wonders what he's gotten himself into.

"Okay. So. In other religions, or before white people decided that they wanted to ruin everything and stick their fucking noses in others business, you were assigned gender by your energy, not by what you were born in, kinda like it is today. And like. The fact that there are certain names and colors that just mean boy or girl is just such bullshit, and nonbinary or gender fluid still isn't seen as a gender, even though in other religions, though the meaning of marriage and gender was different, everything was much more open and accepted. Americans want boxes they can put people in, they want labels. Like, even how clothing means girl or boy. Like you're telling me guys can't wear skirts or crop tops solely because it suddenly makes them gay or whatever? Even though that's not bad, of course, but like. Clothing is clothing, clothing doesn't equal gender. Like, if Evan wears a skirt, it doesn't change the fact that he's straight. Right, Evan?" Connor looks towards him, and raises and eyebrow when it takes awhile for him to answer. A playful smile spreads across his face. 

".... _Right_ , Evan?"

What is Evan supposed to say to that? Of course Connor isn't like, homophobic but. Evan had never thought about gender before. Really, when he thought about having a partner, he just wanted someone that hugged him right and didn't get sick of him. What they identified as didn't really.. matter. Not really.

"Uhm. No? I-I mean… I've never really thought about it like that. Like, if- if I were to get a partner, I wouldn't really care what they? Like.. were? Sorry. Is that weird? That's weird. S-Sorry-"

Connor grabs his thigh and squeezes.

Evan takes a deep breath.

"Dude. It's okay. Sounds pretty aggressively pansexual to me. But I'm bi. So." He says, looking towards Heather. She smiles.

"Pft, I'm Ace/Aro. But like. I still love you guys. Yall are fucking.. Cool or whatever." She says, and there's a little crack in her voice. She sniffles. "Okay. Okay, enough gross feelings, Evan, what are you into? Like what do you like? I'm interested in clothing and makeup and shit like that."

"Uh.. I write. A lot. Kind of. And I just like.. O-Observing things, and taking pictures of them, especially people. Not to be weird or anything but their just. It's interesting, kind of l-looking at people."

Connor nods, and Heather takes a moment to think of another question.

"Uh.. Anybody have any exes? I don't. "

Evan shakes his head. As if he could ever even get close to a relationship.

Connor looks away from them. "I did. Kind of. But he broke it off. He's still like.. Messaging me, though? Asking if I want to hook up or something. S' dumb."

Evan is baffled at how anyone wouldn't want Connor. He's sweet, and caring in his own way, and really nice to talk to. Connor might have his moments, but like. That's because of mental illness.

You can't blame someone for something like that.

He takes another sip of his milkshake.

" H-He's a dick. "

Connor full on cackles, nearly spits out his drink.

" _What?"_

_"I said_ ," Evan starts, and he huffs, " He's a dick. H-He broke your heart and he's still messaging you even though you aren't messaging back. He knows he broke your heart, actually. I b-bet he knows. And he isn't taking a hint." 

Connor's phone buzzes, and Evan can see the messages.

_ M: Why aren't you answering? _

_ M:I've always been there for you. _

_ M: At least worn me if you wanna take a break _

_ M: You were in the wrong _

_ M: i just need a break and you're punishing me for it _

_ M:Can you think about how you make the people around you feel for a second?  _

_ M: Talk to me _

_ M: I wanna get back together _

_ M:Your so selfish _

_ M: Ju- _

Evan's seen enough. He's sure Heather has too.

He presses his hand firmly to cover the phone, looking towards Connor again and looking him in the eyes. "H-He's a dick."

"He's a dick." Heather agrees, putting her hand on top of Evan's.

Connor looks at both of his hands and rolls his eyes playfully. There's no malice behind it.

He presses his hand on top of Heather's.

"He's a dick." 

  
  



	4. It Feels So Scary, Getting Old

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heather goes through some things at home.
> 
> Jared questions, but Evan doesn't really owe him an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> KEKFMDKD this is the chapter right before the drama reallly. REALLLYYYYY starts to kick in. This is a filler chapter and it's super boring, I know. And it's short. I just needed something to fill the space up.

As Heather climbs through the window, She's met with the sight of her grandmother.

"....What were you doing out there, Heather?" Her voice is hoarse and worried, and Heather actually laughs. This is hilarious. She wasn't this interested when she was with her friends that actually cared about her.

 _They_ were bad influences.

Turns out, Heathers a big influence on herself. A big, big one.

"I wasn't like...fucking around, so it doesn't matter. Just out with some friends." She says, and she moves to go down the hall.

She's stopped by a sharp voice.

"You can't keep on doing this, Heather. I know you aren't used to it around here. But you have to get over it. You are a young lady and you have no reason to dress the way you do or claim the things you claim, and-"

Claim the things she claims? Act the way she does?

She has fucking depression and she's a far leftist. She's Ace/Aro, but none of those should matter when it comes to people loving her.

The people that are supposed to love her.

"You.. There's nothing wrong with you. What happened to the little girl I used to know?"

The little girl that everyone used to know?

Well.

She was a kid. She was 5, and dumb, and unaware of her surroundings and submissive. Just listening to whatever people told her like a child does.

She was tired of hearing that.

What happened was she grew up.

Heather slams the door behind her as she walks into her room.

God, it's so tiring, living. So annoying.

Heather slips into sleep as she falls face first into her bed.

She's so tired.

But so happy, that she has people her age that actually care about her.

So, so happy.

\-------

"Evan. Hey. Uh, your Mom called me yesterday to check if I was with you? I mean, I said yes, but where the fuck were you?"

Evan pauses. He's about to go and sit with Heather and Connor. " I have- I have some friends. Not like. Famil- Family friends. They're really nice, actually, and like. Listen to me."

"Who?"

"No one," Evan snaps, and he walks away. 

He's proud of himself.

Even though he can kind of feel Jared's shocked eyes, he's still proud.


	5. This Dream Isn't Feeling Sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heather doesn't know when it started. 
> 
> Or:Everyone has a big sleepover: In Evan Hansen' s living room.
> 
> (A sick fic but make it 🌟platonic🌟)

Heather doesn't know what's happened, but she's cold and she's scared and _she doesn't want to be alone, she doesn't want to be alone._

Her bag is on floor.

It's raining.

Water is soaking through her clothing and she's cold and scared and alone.

Her grandmother told her not to come back home for 3 days. To have a taste of the outside world if she was so desperate.

She doesn't even have any money.

And Heather doesn't even know what sparked the argument, really. Something about her being high when Heather wasn't even high, she was just tired and sleepy and annoyed with everyone around her.

So now she has to turn to her best friend, her _only_ friend for help.

Her life is one big white savior movie, it feels like. 

Except the people she goes to never do the saving.

She's her own savior, most of the time.

Heather fumbles with her phone and then pauses.

Connor would be better off, without her. He's getting his life together and here she is, doing the same shit she always does. Everyone would be better off without her, really.

She's not gonna call him.

She'll figure it out.

She always figures it out.

Heather feels warm and freezing at the same time. The rain keeps on beating down on her.

She sits on a bench and lays down.

She knows nobody's gonna stop for her.

The world spins on easily, without her.

\--------

Connor is confused when she sees Heather with the same clothes she wore yesterday, and the day after that, but he doesn't question it.

But she starts to cough.

And she looks insanely cold and warm at the same time- she's radiating heat.

She's got a cold.

"Jeez, Heather," he reaches out and touches her neck. She feels damp, like she's been in the rain. "You're warm. Are you good?"

She nods thoughtlessly. 

"Let's go get you some water, yeah?" He stumbles to help her up, and starts to walk her over to the fountain when she abruptly just goes limp, and he has to keep his grip on her so she doesn't fall completely. Evan is right behind him, feeling her neck and immediately taking his hand back.

Everyone is just fucking staring at her, at his bestfriend that just fainted in his arms.

"Well? All of you blind? Get the fucking nurse!" He yells, and a few of the students go scurrying to get to the office.

He looks down to her and sees a scar on her cheek. Looks like a print, almost.

_Jesus, Heather, what happened?_

\------

Evan is in the nurses office with Connor. The nurse is shuffling off Heather's jacket on jacket layers and pulling off her shoes and setting them next to her.

"She needs to go to the hospital, this is serious-"

Heather wakes up, to that. She mumbles something that sounds like she doesn't want to go. 

"...She's going to need to be under serious care for the rest of the day. She's got some sort of a fever, and she's not well. Try to get her into a bath and get her new clothes."

Connor looks at Evan. Evan looks at Connor.

They both know which house their going to.

"Uh, yeah, we'll actually bring her home."

They were not, in fact, bringing her home. She was not doing well at home, obviously.

Both of them knew where they were going.

\----

Heather is able to talk coherent sentences by the time their in Evan's house, and Evan already explained the situation to his Mom through text.

Heather was seriously sick.

She kept on throwing up and when she came back from the bath, she needed several blankets to keep her warm.

They were on the couch now, and Heather was against Connor's shoulder. They were watching _Coraline_ \- her favourite movie, apparently.

"My grandma kicked me out." She mumbles, wiping at her mouth as she takes another sip of her soup. Connor gasps, almost comically.

The brother/sister dynamic they had was strong. It was nice to look at, to be honest.

"Shit, why didn't you call me? I could've like. Stole some money and got you a hotel, or let you stay in my car, or-"

She cuts him off and sleepily closes her eyes. "That's why. You'd do some dumb shit like that."

"Can't we call the services or something?" Evan asks. Would _that_ help, even if just a little bit?

"No. _No_. Child services don't do shit, all they do is just make like harder and give you to another family that might be even worse than the one you've got."

That.. Makes sense. Nobody really cares about kids enough to actually give them a good home, especially teens.

Wow. That's.. Horribly sad.

"Okay."

"I'm gonna go to sleep. Later, losers." She says, grabbing a pillow and kind of balancing it on Connor's shoulder. 

It takes a while to hear her light snoring.

"...We're all we've got, right? So we've got each other?" Connor asks.

And.

Evan hadn't thought about that, but he guesses they are really all he's got. 

Yeah.

Yeah, they've got each other. "Yeah. We do." Connor reaches out and squeezes his hand.

Evan squeezes back.


	6. We're Reeling Through The Midnight Streets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Buckle up, whores," She exclaims, spreading her arms out wide.
> 
> "Cause we're fucking here!"
> 
> Evan looks out the window and sees the big state sign 'WELCOME!' and he grins.
> 
> He should be scared.
> 
> But he isn't.
> 
> He wants more.

Connor doesn't have family.

Or at least not a family he considers family- his 'blood' doesn't respect him, nor care about him.

His ' _blood_ ' doesn't love him.

And he's terribly aware of that.

But when he met Heather, it was different- she was nice to him, and protective towards him, and when it was just them, before Evan came along, they were all they had.

All they've had.

So Connor and Heather mad a promise- probably a toxic one, but it was a _'If I go down, you coming down with me'_ and vice versa. Wherever the other goes, the other follows. Since they were all they had, him and Heather had to stick together.

They had no choice.

They've had this conversation plenty of times. The topic of running away came up, and a lot, but now it was just more of an option than a topic.

Connor's home life was getting worse and worse. Heather is walking on eggshells in her own home, and Evan has been going through some stuff himself.

His Dad is supposed to be coming back.

Evan is _highly_ against this, and he's voiced it quite well.

' _I just don't understand! She doesn't- she won't listen to me! She's just letting him in and so easily after all the trauma he put both of us through. And she tells me it's time to forgive him? Like he wasn't a monster to us?!'_ And it went on and on and on, even Heather didn't know he could be so spiteful.

Not that it was bad.

Just interesting.

And that's why they were having a Very Serious Found Family Meaning, a VSFFM. 

(Evan named it that.)

"Okay, bitches, sit down and listen."

Evan lays across the couch and stuffs his face with more gummies. Heather was expertly throwing gummies into Connor's mouth, and Connor was, of course, catching every single one.

"Alright. So. I know this might seem dumb, but with all the money I just stole from my parents and all of our exceeding daddy issues," Heather raises an eyebrow, "Well... Mommy issues, in your case- why don't we just run away together, do crime, and get little side jobs to keep ourselves afloat?"

Evan doesn't look surprised, actually, and it's even more surprising when he just nods. "We have everything we need. A car. Money. A will to live," Evan pauses and snickers, "Oh, wait-"

"Oh my god, shut up Evan, you mentally ill bastard." Heather chokes out, throwing a gummy in his direction.

"But yeah. Totally. I'm in. But we should probably pack our-"

"I already packed mine. And yours. Bought you some clothes since you might not want to say hi to your granny." Connor looks at Evan, and he softens.

He hasn't come to terms yet with why he doesn't think of Evan as family.

But that subject can wait.

\-------------

In the end, all of them end up in Connor's truck. It' s 3am and Evan's Mom should be here in an hour, so they've got to be safe about this shit.

Evan already left her a note. Told her he'd call her if it got too hard.

Told her he was safe.

Left his room clean, and the kitchen cleaner.

Evan lets out this deep breath- it almost sounds like relief as he exited the house.

Everything was happening so quickly.

But surprisingly, Evan wanted more. He wanted the adrenaline, and the fast pace, and the running and the laughing and just- just _everything_.

He wanted everything.

This speed in this friendship was fast, it didn't wait.

This friendship he had with these two kids his age was moving, and quickly.

But he didn't mind it.

Connor's hair is tied up into a bun, and Heather is leaning onto Evan's shoulder as he rests his head on the window.

"Hey. Yall dumbasses awake?"

Heather shifts in Evan's grip. "Oh, fuck off..." She mumbles, and Connor says ' _No, you_ ' like a Mature Teen does.

"Yeah, I'm up."

Connor looks back at him, grinning this tired grin. "Kay. Before we get our asses going, wanna get some Mcdonalds?"

 _Fuck_ , Evan thinks.

Mcdonalds sounds so good right now.

\-------

Evan yawns as he gets up, stretching lightly, and he's met with Heather's drooling face right on his collarbone.

" _Ewww_ ," Evan draws out, wiggling her. "Get- Get off." She blinks awake, finally moving off of him and looking out the window. 

"Oh.My.Fucking.God." Heather looks back to them and cheers, bumping the window that sits on the roof of the car.

Connor doesn't seem phased- just gives her a slightly sarcastic roll of the eyes, and the window rolls back.

She sticks her head out.

"Buckle up, whores," She exclaims, spreading her arms out wide.

"Cause we're fucking _here_!"

Evan looks out the window and sees the big state sign 'WELCOME!' and he grins.

He should be scared.

But he isn't.

He wants _more_.


	7. And I've Never Felt More Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan's not answering his calls. Heidi Hansen was just begging him to tell her if her son was with him, Zoe Murphy tried to talk to him today, but most of all Evan was gone and Jared just wanted to ask.
> 
> What the fuck?
> 
> What the actual, literal fucking shit?
> 
> Where is Evan.
> 
> Where is he?

It's super hot in this state, apparently. Literally no breeze at _all_ , and Evan is becoming more aware of that as he wipes at his face every single 5 seconds.

A wave of cool washes over them as they enter some random cheap hotel, and all of them walk in.

Evan would consider himself a completely different person, in front of people he trusted- he actually bothers to loosen up. Isn't as worried about how he acts and looks and feels.

But this is a new person, in front of him. The receptionist looks him up and down. "Which room? 233 on floor 3 or 384 or floor 4?" 

Connor cuts in, smiling kindly at her. "223, please. Keys?"

The receptionist gives him an easy(and slightly flirtatious) smile, and they all walk towards the elevator.

Evan is calm again, suddenly.

Heather glares back towards the woman, sticking her tongue out. "She gave me some nasty look, like I was the the girl who was stealing her precious emo boy." Heather spits out, flipping her hair over her shoulder and rolling her eyes.

Connor snickers.

Well.

To be fair, the receptionist was kind of a bitch towards Heather for no reason.

"But aren't you aro? And I'm gay? Like-"

"Exactly! This whole thing where straight is the default is ridiculous! Like what the fuck?" Heather goes on and on about systematic homophobia and how gender should be demolished(which he agrees with completely, by that way) as they go up and the elevator and holy fuck.

 _Holyfuckingshit_.

They're actually doing this. Evan is actually doing this. Evan is running away with his best friends, holy fuck.

_Jared must be confused,_ a voice in the back of his head whispers. Evan rolls his eyes, and spitefully thinks: Why would Jared be worried about him? 

He's never been anyway.

"We have enough money for around 2 weeks of food, but we gotta switch hotels again in a month. So don't get comfy, okay?" Connor says as he unlocks the door. " Also, we all gotta start looking for small jobs like walking dogs and shit. So we have around a few weeks to do that. Got it?"

Heather and Evan make a sound of agreement.

Wow, Connor must have thought about it a lot.

Evan looks at the 2 bedroom and says he'll sleep on the couch, because it is way too comfy, and Heather and Connor agree.

Evan is terrified. But it's a _good_ type.

"Oh my fucking god," Heather starts, and Evan is already going _oh no_ , because he does not like the sound of that Very Suspicious Voice.

"They're playing Spongebob!" Heather says excitedly, kicking off her shoes.

And Evan would say he's surprised but like.

Come on.

This is Heather he's talking about here.

\--------

Jared always catches onto drama. Like. Always. He knows everybody's sides of the story, he knows about apologies and arguments, he gets in on all the good shit.

So when Evan doesn't show up for half of a day..

And a whole day..

And he's declared as fucking _missing_.

And Connor Murphy and Heather Greene are also declared missing, he has the right to think what the fuck?

Evan's not answering his calls. Heidi Hansen was just _begging_ him to tell her if her son was with him, Zoe Murphy tried to talk to him today, but most of all Evan was _gone_ and Jared just wanted to ask.

What the fuck?

What the actual, literal fucking shit?

Where is Evan.

Where _is_ he?


	8. It Drives You Crazy, Getting Old

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heather wakes up to the most comforting silence she's ever felt.  
> -  
> Heidi's son is gone.  
> -  
> He hears Heidi breaking down to him Mom in the kitchen down the hall.
> 
> It feels so empty, in his room, without Evan there. 

Heather wakes up to the most comforting silence she's ever felt.

Connor's legs are tangled with Evan's on the other bed. Apparently, at one point, the other find it's way into the bed. There's a light buzz in the air- her eyelids are heavy on her face, and everything feels like flat soda, almost, but in a good way- the atmosphere sounds like how it feels to have your hand go dead under your pillow.

And she can hear the light breathing of Connor, up up up and down down down- the curtains that block most of the light from entering.

And for just a moment, she doesn't need more.

Just this.

Just the softness of this already lived in hotel, the breathing of her friends and her bare feet against her bed was...

It was all she wanted.

Just this.

Just this, for now.

\-----------

Heidi's son is _gone_.

He's gone, and he is somewhere that's not in her house and he's been missing for 3 days.

So have the children that went missing with him.

She should have known.

Should have known that he would rebel, get into the wrong crowd. She was going to give him the opportunity to live with her and his Dad and he left.

In the note, it says she wasn't listening to him.

Listening?

All she ever tries to do is listen. She tries to coax things out of him, tries to be his best friend and he just. Never wanted any type of conversation with her. Pushed her away.

Where was he?

The note said he'd contact her if it got hard.

Why didn't he just talk to her?

Why did he leave her all alone like this?

With his _Father_ , of all people?

"Heidi," Mark says from behind her. Tears are streaming down her eyes. 

This is all his fault.

Evan wouldn't talk to her because of him. Because he wanted to claim that yes, now was the time, of all times, to come and _ruin_ everything.

Evan was getting better.

And Mark had ruined it.

"Go." She mumbles, and takes another swig from her wine bottle.

He doesn't move.

"Are you deaf?" She says, louder this time. He had the _nerve_ to act confused.

Mark eyes widen with fear, and Heidi nearly cackles at the sight.

He's surprised. Like she wouldn't ever kick him out after they left her and Evan to die.

The only reason she let him in was for Evan.

And now Evan is gone.

"I.."

"Don't 'I' me. Get out, Mark. I don't want to your face."

She doesn't. 

She really doesn't.

\----------

Evan has been missing for 3 days.

And so has school shooter and that Heather girl.

What's even going on?

Why is Evan gone?

Where the fuck did he go?

He hears Heidi breaking down to him Mom in the kitchen down the hall.

It feels so empty, in his room, without Evan there. 

Jared should have felt something was wrong.

He should have fucking known.

But he didn't, because he was too focused on keeping up a stupid reputation.

 _Please_ , he begs, even though he's not really religious,

_Please come home Evan_.


	9. I Want it Back, I Want it Back,

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor breaks things.
> 
> He breaks things, and never fixes them.
> 
> She's sick of her family being the thing.

Zoe likes the emptiness of the house.

Or, she thinks she does- would like to think how quiet it is without Connor's stomping or yelling or friends talking loudly on the phone with him _-(since when did he have friends?)_

But it was strangely familiar.

Noise.

That's what she always heard, anyway. Clapping and yelling and stomping and screaming meant _safety_.

She doesn't know what to do with that.

Her brother has been missing for a few days. So has Evan Hansen and Heather Greene.

She doesn't know what to do with that information, either.

Connor was getting better. He was attempting to talk to her, trying, at least- he was getting better and then he's just.

Gone.

He's just gone. No recognition for what might happen to their family. God, Cynthia breaks down in the kitchen nearly everyday.

Connor breaks things.

He breaks things, and never fixes them.

She's sick of her family being the thing.


	10. Authors Note

I am sorry for the inconvenience, but I'm afraid I will be cancelling this story.

I have other works to worry about, my writing while I was writing it was a w f u l, I need to make the story better bigger and brighter. I will update it when I choose that I am at the right level mentally to write something like this. Again, I'm really, really sorry- I just need to get involved in other ships and works. I'm so, so sorry. Thankyou for understanding.

-bea :)


End file.
